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1- A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
2- If you’re going through hell, keep going.
3- You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
4- I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
5- I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
6- Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
7- Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.
8- Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
9- If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
10- A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
11- You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.
12- My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.
13- People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.
14- Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
15- A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.
16- Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
17- The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
18- When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
19- Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
20- It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
21- Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.
22- I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
23- Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.
24- I hate women because they always know where things are.
25- It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!
26- A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
27- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
28- Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
29- I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
30- If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.read all