Visions

Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.”

Janet Evanovich

1- You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

Winston Churchill

2- I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Woody Allen

3- I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Woody Allen

4- Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.

Woody Allen

5- Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

Yakov Smirnoff

6- Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.

Yogi Berra

7- If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Yogi Berra

8- A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Walter Bagehot

9- You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.

Yogi Berra

10- My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

Walter Matthau

11- People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.

Zig Ziglar

12- Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

Wilhelm II

13- A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

14- Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

Will Rogers

15- The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

Will Rogers

16- When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Will Rogers

17- Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

William James

18- A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Winston Churchill

19- If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Winston Churchill

20- I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

Tom Lehrer

21- Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.

Voltaire

22- I hate women because they always know where things are.

Voltaire

23- It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!

Steven Weinberg

24- A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

W. C. Fields

25- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Steven Wright

26- Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

W. C. Fields

27- I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Steven Wright

28- If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

W. C. Fields

29- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Steven Wright

30- We are all here on earth to help others. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know.

W. H. Auden
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